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11:59 p.m. - 2005-09-11
look.. I'm being emotional again.. woo
Had a good weekend with JAmes.

Went to dinner with Laura, Ryan, Rhett, Heather and baby Shelby. She is too fucking cute.

When I was holding her, I noticed James was just looking at me smiling. Later on he told me I never looked more beautiful than when I was holding her.

We were productive and got some shopping in, and today we went to see the Bodies exhibit at MOSI. It's fucking amazing, and if that doesn't give you an appreciation of your body, nothing will. It sounds so cheesy, but it's really inspired me to get back on the bandwagon and start taking better care of myself. I'm going to go back to the gym and start working out again.

James and I hit the 2 month mark on Saturday. In a way it seems so quick, but at the same time, I can't believe its only been 2 months. I mean, so much has happened, it doesn't seem possible for it to only be 2 months. For the occassion, I bought a scrap book and all the first set of stuff we'll need to make one. We've talked about it for a couple of weeks now, something that we both wanted to do... so we're going to start working on it next weekend.

One of the things I like the most about our relationship is how much effort we put into it. It's so easy to get lazy about things... but we try to do a lot of things together and build our relationship on these shared experiences.

I really haven't gotten into the emotional aspect of our relationship on here that much. I don't really know why.... so here I go.

I love this boy. I love him in a way I didn't realise was possible. The rational side of me tries to tell me that its too soon to feel this way.. but I know that what I feel for him is different than what I've evre felt for anyone before.

Considering that I really only think that I 'loved' one other person (brian)... its hard for me to know.. but I know that what I feel for James is much deeper than what I felt for Brian.

Brian was an infatuation. I guess it could never really be 'love' becuase it was totally one sided. He never even considered feeling for me the way I did him.

Now James? That boy loves me. He loves me on such a deep level....

Maybe it's my age.. maybe its because I am in the honeymoon stage of our relationship.. but I can honestly admit that I see my future with James. When I think about the future, he's in it... he's not just 'in' it.. he is it.

I'm so happy. Is the relationship perfect? Of course not. Was I ready to punch him in the eye on Friday night? Hell yeah I was... but I don't expect things to be perfect... if they were.. it wouldn't be real.
And I want real.
I'm ready for real.

So yeah. I'm in love. I'm love by an amazing boy, and all is pretty fucking good.

Never thought you'd hear me say that... did you?

So... the angsty diary will be no more... now... now.. this diary will be of a girl in love... a girl who isn't afraid of love.. a girl who is building a future....

It just kinda hit me how serious I am about him.
About how I really do think he may be the one... about how much I really want him to be the one.

On that note, I HAVE to go to bed.



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