2:09 p.m. - 2006-01-22
For some strange reason I keep dreaming about Brian. I mean like a LOT. A LOT.
I can' say for all of them, but for the ones that I really remember, I've always been single in the dreams, so it's not like I'm cheating on James in them or anything...
So why the fuck can't I stop dreaming about him?
I have 2 theories.
I dunno.. its just kind of un-nerving.
~ Last night we saw Brokeback Mountain. Holy shit.. the movie was so amazing. I loved it more than I thought I would, and of course I cried like a fucking baby. I think part of it was that I could totally relate to the feeling of not being able to totally have what you want the most.... I hate that my past is still so fresh in my mind.. that after all of this time, the situation of he and I still affects me so much. Why should the pain still be so strong? When will it finally lessen? I mean I'm in a relationship where a boy loves me more than I thought possible. I love him totally.... and yet, my heart is still aching... will it ever totally go away or will I just one day become numb to it?
Anyways... I'm here at James, he's at school (he's taking weekend classes now), and I'm going to go get something to eat.