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8:56 p.m. - 2006-09-13
I'm back to being a spinster
This week has been one big blur.
Work is driving me insane.
I'm finding comfort in my bed and cooking.
I made some amazing chicken in balsamic cream sauce with baby portabello mushrooms over orzo... and last night another yummy meal.
My only relief from the insanity is planning my Halloween party.
I've ordered my costume.
It's mega hot.
I doubt it will be appreciated by anyone going to the party.
Oh well.

I know so many ppl who have had such a shitty week... I just want the weekend!

To understand fully how drained emotionally and just how "done" I am.. here is a copy of a comment I left on a friend's page.

*prepare for mel's dark side*
I totally understand you.
Sometimes the mask I wear gets extremely heavy... it's not easy always having to be sunshine and rainbows is it???
When you're "that" person that everyone expects it from.. people who you love and don't want to dissapoint.. it becomes such a burden...
I think it's why I am almost content with the idea of always being alone... the thought of really letting someone in and seeing all the bad that I hide.. I don't know who would want to deal with me and my demons...
I can handle them myself.. no use in burdening someone else with them..
and so I am alone.
with my dog.
At least I know he won't judge me.. and he's only 7.9 lbs so he doesn't hog the bed either. ha

~ I've also decided I don't think I'm going to have a child. First off I'd have to do it alone, secondly, I don't know if I could raise a kid in today's society... i'm too old fashioned.

*rummages through the closet for her spinster outfit*

Spinster plan back on.


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