9:31 p.m. - 2006-05-11
shuddup.. I'm a big girl.. I know what I'm doing
So I saw James yesterday.
Yeah, yeah.. I know.. I heard it all from JAmey, and Ryan and my mom.
Whatever.
I hadn't seen him in weeks, and we didn't sleep together.. so get your panties untwisted.
Logically, I know that we are better apart. I know that this phase he's going through is something he needs to do.. it may not be a phase, and he may always want to live like this.. and I know that it's something I want no part of.
Emotionally though... I miss him. I miss looking into his eyes and seeing all that emotion. I miss the feeling of his arms around me, his breath on my neck, his lips on mine.
I miss feeling him sleep next to me, curled up beside me.
I miss our jokes and the good times that we had.
I miss the James that I first met. I know that he is gone, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Just because we broke up doesn't mean that I can turn the emotions off automatically.
I was pretty emotional yesterday.. today I'm ok.. moreso because I've been so busy at work and trying to get insurance for the new house. *its so hard here in FL!*
I think I found a company though and the price quote was right around what I expected it to be.. so it's all good.
I'm very glad tomorrow is Friday. Jamey and I get to go out 'cause Eddie will be busy with homework! :)
Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair colored.. so I'll be sure to post pics.
I'm going to do it not much lighter than it is now.. just a really rich dark blonde.... I need to look all pretty for the reunion!
I'll post pics afterwards!
xoxo
Melinda
