1:49 p.m. - 2005-11-23
new song, new pic
There is this song on the new Fiona Apple cd. I can't help but think of Brian everytime I hear it. It doesn't help that its one of my favorite songs on the cd as well... partially because of the musical aspect of it, but yes, mainly because of the lyrical content.
It's almost the perfect song for him. It describes what we had perfectly and the last line is totally my thoughts on the whole thing.
There is a part of me that still can't believe that I don't love him anymore. As disfunctional as it was, I did it for close to half of my life... and now.. now there is nothing there... and its weird. It's like this thing I hung onto for so long is just gone, and while what I have to replace it is bigger, better and actually REAL... its still weird to not pine over him. It almost was a habit more than anything.
Anyways.. here are the lyrics.
What you did to me made me see myself something different
And though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen
Won't you go away
Turn yourself in
You're no good at confession
Before the image that you burned me in
Tries to teach you a lesson
What you did to me made me see myself something awful
A voice once stentorian is now again meek and muffled
It took me such a long time to get back up the first time you did it
I spent all I had to get it back, and now it seems I've been out-bidded
My peace and quiet was stolen from me
When I was looking with calm affection
You were searching out my imperfections
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff
You came upon me like a hypnic jerk
When I was just about settled
And when it counts you recoil
With a cryptic word and leave a love belittled
Oh what a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff
Oh, well
Yeah... its pretty damn good.
On a side note.. got some more pics from Halloween... I've only resized one so far. It's on my myspace account because its the typical "I took my own pic" picture... but its a cute one of me.
Ok... Even though I feel like crap, I'm going to do some more unpacking and laundry before James comes over for dinner. :)
If I don't get on tomorrow.. Have a fantastic Thanksgiving. Either tomorrow or Friday I'll be posting all that I am thankful for.
EAT LOTS OF TURKEY!
xoxo
Melinda
