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12:20 p.m. - 2005-07-25
update on weekend ;)
~ Grandpa is doing as well as can be expected. They are talking about sending him home tomorrow or Wednesday. Basically they just want him to be happy and comfortable.. it could be weeks, it could be months. Technically it could be days, but we don't think that way.

~ Saturday was Sheena's wedding. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful and the vows were unlike i've ever heard, and yet I tried in vain to memorize them because they were exactly like I'd want at my own wedding.

James came and met Mom, Dad and Robin. Mom was a zombie, only have about 9 hours sleep the past 4 days, but she seemed to enjoy herself a bit. She had a couple of moments with tears, but it seemed to be related to the fact that Gpa won't get to experience a wedding with any of my sisters or I. Mom has been insanely strong throughout this whole ordeal, and the amount of respect i have for her has doubled about a million times over.

Saturday night James, Tony and I went to the hilltop, and it was the class of 1995 reunion. Holy shit.. i saw ppl i hadn't seen since then. It was interesting to say the least. I got to see Andrew, which made me happy 'cause I haven't seen him in forever. I have such a soft spot for him. He is such a great guy.. his attitude is just so amazingly open.
It was interesting to see guys that I had crushes on in high school now that they are "grown up". For the most part, they looked pretty much the same.. a lot less hair, bigger bellies, but hell.. its been 10 years.
Overall, the boys that I liked were still pretty cute... one in particular. Of course I could never say his name because ppl who know him read this, but yeah... he is way hot.

How bad that I have a boyfriend and I was checking him out?

I'm such a bad girlfriend... actually I'm totally not. I'm a really good girlfriend.. I'm just not going to stop looking at cute boys. I like cute boys... I refuse to stop admiring them. *private joke to jamey - two words - flowered boardshorts*

~ Today consists of me doing laundry and picking up some staples like shampoo/conditioner, face wash, stuff like that.
I'm going back to St.Pete to see Gpa tomorrow and then tomorrow night I'll pick up Laura from the airport.

~ I had a really disturbing dream last night. I thought about not posting it, in fear that James might find this, read it, and take it the wrong way.. but oh well.

So I had this dream last night that Brian sends me this email, that had like a movie along with it that he had made. The email was all about him coming to Tampa for his residency. He was saying things like "I want to stay with you until I find a place... or until we find a place together"..... he kept going on about how excited he was to see me, and how he couldn't wait for us to be together and how it was all going to work out now that he was coming to Tampa 'cause he missed me so much and blah blah blah.
It was pretty bizzare.
I think the thing that upset me the most was how I reacted. I was like all about it. It was like I had forgotten everything. I remember saying something like, "Yeah, I feel bad because of James, but you know, its Brian".

That's so not going to happen in real life.

This thing with James scares the shit out of me, because its like no effort. I'm not fighting for his affection. I'm not in constant struggle to prove myself to him.....
It was nice because a couple people we saw this weekend told him what a lucky guy he is, and how I'm such a good girl.

Things are going well. He met most of the crew on Sunday and everyone seemed to like him. He and Eddie hit it off talking about computers, and Jamey told me that he was just like me. (scary thought huh?)

It's still a little overwhelming... his feelings for me are very strong.. but its an amazing feeling to have someone totally adore you without restraint. I guess in a way I can now understand Brian and Kenny a little more... why wouldn't they want to keep me around.. they didn't have to commit, and yet I still adored them regardless. It is quite the ego boost.

Anyways.. I really need to be productive.



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