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9:21 a.m. - 2005-07-13
I'm happy...
~ AFter careful consideration, a conversation with Jamey and the newboy.. I realised this.

I don't really give a shit about what my sisters think. Yes, I know that they are being protective because they love me.. but at the same time I think its hilarious that they seem to forget that I am a 27 year old woman and not some silly child.

It just stuck me funny that my sisters are calling me a hooker and my best friend is happy for me... even my mom said that it was eventual that I would meet someone that I was very compatible with.

What it boils down to is this.

I've been "the friend" for forever. I've met a boy that I don't want to be 'just friends' with.. and he doesn't want to be 'just friends' with me either.
We like each other. We understand each other. We accept each other for the faults and weaknesses we have... of course I'm not stupid enough to think that I know everything about him.. but hell.. people in my life that I've know for forever don't know everything about me.

I don't understand why its so hard for ppl to like accept the fact that I'm not conventional. I'm not good at trying to pick up boys at bars. When I do, they become one of my best friends (Adam) or they are stupid or just way too young.
I talked to James for 5 hours on the phone the first night I met him. We talked on the phone many hours after that before I met him.
I know his history, he knows mine.

He's the first guy I've met that is truly honest about his feelings and his thoughts. He holds so little back. and its something that I not only appreciate, but craved as well. I'm not as light hearted and happy go lucky as I let on all the time... I need someone who can understand that.

Do I know what will happen? Of course not. We both have said that this was totally unexpected... hell, I told Jamey on the way to meet him that it wasn't a big deal.. that it was going to be a friends thing... and here I am, 3 days later, and he just left.
I didn't plan on this.
But I like it.
He makes me happy.
He wants to make me happy.
He tells me I'm beautiful.
And he means it.
He looks me dead in the eyes when we speak.
Because he has nothing to hide.

I'm not putting him up on any sort of pedestal... all I'm saying is that I like him. Pure and simple. He's not "my type", he's a total neatfreak, he's totally a computer nerd.. but I like him... and he likes me.

If you can't understand that. If you can't understand that I'm happy and that all I wanted was for the people I love to have been happy for me.. then I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you don't understand... I don't blame you, because I don't really understand it..

I'm happy about it.. why can't you be?



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