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10:16 a.m. - 2005-06-01
love?
~ This thing we call love. IT's a pretty fucked up thing.

The things that have happened in response to what someone has considered love, they really can't be measured or understood. Wars, political corruption, religions completely changed (wasn't it henry the 8th who changed it so he could divorce?)... love, or what we perceive to be love, it just so powerful.. really, no one is safe.

I say perceive, because I don't think there is one definition of/for love. For each of us its something different... its something that only our heart/mind can understand.. which is why so many of us are in relationships that no one around us understands.

That being said, there is one universal truth about love that I think we can all agree on.
1. Love isn't supposed to hurt. If you are feeling more pain than happiness... the love you are feeling isn't being returned to you on the same level.

A side note with that.. we'll call it:
1a. Loving someone "enough for both of us" also isn't going to work.

I know, I've done both of these.

~ I said something to Des which sparked a rather lengthy entry. I am saddened that she feels she has to defend herself, because I know what that's like.. but at the same time.. like she said.. when you have to defend to all those around you who love and know you the most.. then that could be a sign.

~ I just want the ppl I care about to be happy.. and its hard to see beautiful women and men trying so hard to have someone see how wonderful they are.... I'm so biased on the ppl I care about and its like if someone else doesn't see how amazing they are from the get-go and treat them accordingly, I'm like, "What the fuck is wrong with them?"
This is how I feel about her boy. The situation is extremely similar to the one I had with Brian. A man who deep down cares deeply but for some reason or another won't give her what she wants or needs emotionally from him.

The comment I made to her was that she should stop focusing on him and focus only on her son.
I didn't mean it to sound like she wasn't a good mother.. shes a great mom... and I didn't mean that she should ignore her innerself and only be "mommy".. what I meant was that at this point and time.. he's not helping her situation..he's causing her pain and instead of bringing her the joy and support she needs from him.. he gives her more bullshit to deal with. Her son is her highlight of her day.. and to focus on him.... maybe to just be mommy for a while would be good... because then the stress from the men in her life could take a back burner and she could start getting back to the amazingly powerful woman that she is in her soul.
I adore Des and just want her to be happy.

~ Now that I've let this entry sit here for an hour without posting it (cleaned the kitchen). I'm going to do some laudnry and then head over to my parents later to go through some stuff and bring more stuff over here.

xoxo
Melinda

 

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