10:10 p.m. - 2005-04-25
I was a bitch at work today, though the kids did actually work well...
~ I think deep down I know what it is.. but I am fighting it as hard as I can... and I really hate to say this, but its not something that can be discussed... and only because I don't have the words to express myself in the way I'd want to... and I know I would be misunderstood.
~ All I know is that I need to finish up on Aaron's bday package and get that ready to be mailed Wednesday. I feel bad that it won't be there by then since that is his actual bday, but it's being sent that day.. does that count?
I was at such a loss at what to get him.. he gave me one idea, but I couldn't find part of it, so I got something that I hope is a suitable replacement. I also made something... something that is insanely cheesy, but I think he'll understand that it came from the heart.. and isn't to be judged on the lack of talent present.
~ I really hope I can sleep tonight and not be plagued by dreams that I don't want to have.... insomnia sucks, but at least my past doesn't get thrown in my face like it does when I sleep. I'm so jealous of those who can just like, let the past go... I try so hard.. but some things... some things... just haunt me...
~ All I know is I want to do a whole lot of nothing this week and just make it to the weekend so that I can do nothing then.... what an inspirational girl I am huh?
~ Jamey got me the "He's just not into you" book for my bday.. and its insanely cute and funny.. and so very true... and it just reminded me how someone not making any effort is just like not acceptable... and so I'm not going to anymore... sad thing is, I think I'm going to be cutting a lot of ppl out of my life... I've allowed it for so long.. that ppl are like used to taking advantage of me. Sorry guys.. the ride is over.