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5:17 p.m. - 2005-03-12
Another new theme song.....
* this is a long entry since i haven't updated in a while*

~ Once again, I'm back to my spending way too much money on cd's ways.
The latest random one I bought was the "Dresden Dolls". It's fucking amazing. Kooky at times.. but insanely good.
My new theme song is the following:

coin operated boy

coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy

made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend....

coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
never let him go and i'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy......

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i'll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i'm dying to lose it...
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.

and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath

coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.

~ IT's so awesome.

~ Last night we went to the Top. Got fucking TRASHED. I think I did like 5 shots of tequilla... which I think is more than I've ever done in my entire life. Needless to say, it was an interesting night. What made it even more interesting was the cradleboy showed up. Ended up making out with him in the parking lot until 5am. I have to admit that he's getting better with the kissing, and I found out that he's not a virgin.. I just heard what he said wrong that one night on the phoen. Funny that's he's such a different person when you get him turned on... all of this like confidence comes out in him.. its actually pretty hot. Normally he's kind of a fucked up kid. He's really still reeling from the break up and he's just a typical 21 year old who speaks before he thinks.... plus he's from like Dade City so he has that small town thing going on as well.... I think that once he just calms down a bit he'll do much better... he is a very sweet boy and it is very nice to have a boy clinging to you whispering, "I just want to be with you" in your ear multiple times over the night. Plus, he's pretty cute so it doesn't hurt either. At first I wasn't going to even really talk to him, but after last night, I'm gonna explore it a little more with him... maybe because I'm a softy for boys who have mouths like his (its actually just like brian's), maybe because I like the attention... but I see the potential in him.. not that I see us like being some like hot and heavy couple.. but I dunno.. I guess I just see a bit of myself in him, and I know I would have loved to have someone who was 5 years older than me, who had been through it, to help me from making some of the mistakes that I did.

~ Um.. what else... testing is finally over!

~ Two weeks until I'll be in Pasadena again!

~ I'm kinda in this weird place 'cause I have no one to have a crush on... its weird to not be like longing for someone. As much as I want to steal Aaron and take him to Italy with me, that's never going to happen.... he lives in cali and he has new girlfriends all the time.. which he should, becasue he's an amazing man and should be sharing himself with someone.
HE and I... let's be honest.. the door for us closed a long time ago.. its like we've just became too close as friends. Do I think we would make a great couple? Of course I do.. but the "feeling" isn't there for either of us.. so while we could go through the motions.. the passion would totally be non-exsistant.. and who wants that?
Even Brian... its weird but I really am over it. I got an email from him today and it was nice to hear from him and I'm really glad things are going well for him. (he's working in the er for his break to see if its what he wants to do) I don't have that longing for him like I used to..... I dunno... I guess his plan worked... don't talk to me and maybe my feelings would go away... and they did. I've learned my lesson with him. I don't take anything that he does other than for what it really is. He doesn't do anything with some hidden meaning... and I'm not going to get excited about him emailing me again. I know a big part of it is because there is a possibility that he could end up in Tampa and since I live here, he would have soemone to hang out with, and show him around and... honestly, someone he could possibily get a piece of ass from.

I guess I've just entered that really honest moment of my life, where I'm finally able to accept things for what they truly are, and not what I want them to be.

~ Anyways... I think we're heading to Ybor tonight, so I need to go call the crew and make some plans.

p.s. Jen you didn't get an ode because I actually get to celebrate your bday with you and I have gifts and such for you... Adam is far away and I didn't get to hang out with him, so he got the ode. ;)


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