11:24 p.m. - 2005-02-21
grr. I don't know what to do
Wow.. hardly anyone reads this anymore.. not that I blame them. I barely update and when I do its boring drival.
I had my first sign language class today. I fucking loved it. My teacher is totally deaf so our class was literally all in sign and reading lips and writing some random words on the board. I feel like I learned so much tonight already. I'm really looking forward to the next 8 weeks of this. 2 of our classes we'll be going to a silent dinner where we'll practice our sign language with each other and members of the deaf community.. should prove to be interesting. :)
Talked to cradleboy on the phone tonight. He's quiet sweet when he talks to me one on one.. its just in the group settings that we gotta work on. He's just so young and innocent.. and when I say innocent, I mean like still a virgin innocent, which now that I type this, I totally get the whole kissing thing.
He wants to get together tomorrow, which I suppose I will, but I still don't know about anything like more than just friends. I dunno.. I feel like I have so much else on my plate right now, that to try to incoporate a guy, a 21 year old guy would be really tough.
I dunno, I just think that I'm not like emotionally available for him right now.... I totally have a crush on Aaron (and I hope to hell he doesn't read that ) of course he lives in LA, so that doesn't work.
And then there's *him* (no, not brian) who I know it isn't going to work with, and even though I hardly talk to him, of course I still care about him.. because its not just like a whole "Oh I think I like you" its a deep friendship level as well.
Gr. I finally meet a boy (and once again I stress the word boy) who is interested and I'm not. Fucking' A.
Anyways.. I'm off to bed.
xoxo
Mel
