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11:13 p.m. - 2005-01-24
The bitch is back...
~ We've offically jumped on the bandwagon and started playing Texas Hold 'em poker. I came from behind tonight and ended up kicking Laroo's and Tony's ass. *and I made 10 bucks, aren't you jealous?*

~ Thing that sucks about having this diary public is that I can't really write in here some things I'd like to.. and my 'private' one? Well, ppl from my real life know about that too.. does this mean that I'm gonna have to start a 3rd diary? It's not that anything huge is going on.. just a few things I'd like to lament about without my dear readers thinking I'm a whiny bitch. Seriously.. I can whine with the best of them, but I like to keep it on the downlow.. I dunno.. goes with the whole, "I take care of everyone else.. but no one takes care of me" part of my attitude.. I don't know why I don't lean on people more.. I know I should.. I guess.. I just feel like I should be able to take care of myself.. sad thing is, I have myself totally figured out... I really do need to get my degree in counseling.. then at least I could get paid for my over-analyzing.

~ I've been listening to some really random music lately. I bought the "Graham Colton Band" cd the other day not knowing who in the hell they were. Luckily for me, they're pretty good... and I've been listening to my Maria Mena and my Frou Frou cd... of course with the female vocalists, the emotional songs hit home more.. and I have this desire to make a mixed cd for a few choice people and send it to them.. to say the things that I myself could never find the words for..

Of course I'd never do that.. one I don't have the balls, two: People think I'm crazy enough as it is and three, there's no point.

Oh well.. luckily I only have work tomorrow and a half day wednesday and then its off to Orlando for the rest of the week and Adam will be here this weekend.. time to forget about the bullshit going on and just focus on the good things in my life,and the people who do actually appreciate me... and who make the effort...

Seriously.. random topic change, but I was thinking about this on the way home from Laura's house... I'm too forgiving.. people think that they can just throw out any old excuse for not putting the effort forth that they should and they know I'll forgive them.. fuck that. I'm busy too, but if I can find the time to email or call or text, then you can too. I don't ask for much, but a "what's up?" or "just saying hi" would be nice.
I have no problem making the effort needed to maintain relationships, but I guess I'm not worthy of of any effort.. I'm seriously for the first time ever considering just like dropping people from my life. I've never been one to drop friendships.. but really.. how many of these are truly friendships? And how many are *ME* making all the effort and them just reaping in the benefits from it?

So that's about it.. the bitch is back folks... and this time I think she might be here to stay.



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